A fast paced stand still

It amazes me that it is nearly May! Although it does not feel like it in Michigan, spring is here! We have entered another season and in some respects time seems to be flying by us. The last few months of our lives have been so crazy, we are still trying to catch our breath. Some days I literally felt like I was running to be in 10 places at once.

I feel like I'm in a movie scene that shows special effects, I'll explain as best I can. In some movies when something pivotal happens to a character they make the entire world seem as if it is flying by yet the character is stopped in time watching as the world moves at a fast pace around them. That is how I feel in regards to the adoption. Our family is at a stand still and yet we are moving.

Some people,especially lately, have asked us if we are still adopting. It's a reasonable question really when you think of how long ago we announced that we were starting the process (2yrs) some others have suggested that we switch countries to make the process go more quickly. For anyone who knows anything about adopting this probably made you giggle. It's not like changing a pair of underwear, it's a bit more complicated than that, and we don't want to change our country. These aren't mean questions they are just honest ones. But we are confidant that we will get a referral.

In March we were told that we in a group with 5 other families that were at the the same wait time we were and that of the next few referrals one will be ours. I am at the point where I will believe it when I see it! It's not that I don't have hope, my confidence in God is unwavering, it's just that in this process I have learned to base nothing on anyone's timeline. So far everything has taken so much longer than even our agency expected it to. That is why I feel like I'm in a fast paced stand still.

In the last 5 weeks we have sold our house(in 2 days) updated our home study twice, moved out of our old house, moved in with Ron's parents, traveled to Disney in CA, totaled our car in an accident that thank God we were fine, found a new car, suffered through the loss of my grandmothers death, celebrated in the new life of a niece or nephew that is due in Oct. And through it all, each and every day of not only the last busy few weeks but the last 16 months, I check my phone dozens of times to make sure I haven't missed the agency calling. I play a scenario out in my head of what I will say or how I will act when the call actually comes. I consider how we will feel when I finally lay eyes on a picture of our child. And so far I am left to only my imagination on such things.

Greyson will be five in a few months, he asks why he doesn't have a brother or sister. We can't give him one just yet, can't eve try to have a baby of our own( signed agreements in the paperwork that we wouldn't get pregnant) and it's this area that is one of the most frustrating. We want to grow our family! We want to move forward in life and it is so hard to do so when we are waiting...

A simple verse plays out in my head a lot lately and it's a verse that has helped me throu a lot of stuff. It's in regards to Hagar and her struggle of conflict with Ishmeal, Isaac and Sarah. The verse says something along the lines of " and God saw her" even now the implications bring tears to my eyes. He sees my stand still, He's aware of what is in my heart, he is working all things together. And that brings me Peace, a Peace that passes all understanding. I hope you know the same is true for you in your life. He sees you!

Will I ever dare open another email???

I realize it almost March and it's been a while since I've written but I haven't had much to say (shocking I know).  I picked the title of this post because every month we receive updates from our agency regarding the Korean program and for the first year that was great. Since beginning the second year and particularly the last six months I can honestly say I dread seeing new mail that comes from the agency with an update. Every email has been an update with another change for the program that always adds more time to the process. Yesterday was no different.

Now I am fully aware that everyone warned us of the ups and downs. People have been positive in their encouragement and sincere in the apologies of yet another negative update. We were told to expect some changes to come to the program, we were told to be patient, we were told blah blah blah!!!  Our Agency is not to blame and they have done a great job of communicating and informing us as best as possible but what I was not prepared for was the complete and total, 100% change in the adoption process in Korea while we were smack dab in the middle of adopting!!! Let me just review all the changes. 

March 14 will be 2 years in the program and currently we have been waiting for a referral for 14 months. When we applied to adopt the timeline for adoption looked like this.

- 6-9 months wait for referral, upon acceptance of referral and paperwork filled out wait to travel  was 1-3 months.

- average age of child coming home was 11-13 months

- total number of days spent in Korea was 5.

- no court appearances necessary.

- costs had not changes in several years for country fee

Since the change in government roles in the adoption process and the fact that Korea will ultimately 

close there program for international adoption down in the next 5-10 years, this is what our timeline has changed to in the last six months

- 12-15 month wait for referral 

- upon acceptance of referral and paperwork completed average wait to travel is now 6-9months

- Korea country fee increased 2,000$ (we did not have to pay this based on how far along we were in the process)

- age of child at time of going home 18-24 months

- new time period of days spent in Korea 2-3 WEEKS!

- court appointment now necessary in Korea

The last two points we found out about yesterday after we received another update email, hence the reason I don't dare open any more emails! With every change I have cried and this time was no different. 2-3 weeks in Korea!?! It's just getting to the point where I don't really know what to think about it all anymore.

I was in need of some type of encouragement and I heard on WCSG a snippet of the end of a talk and they were saying that whatever the "thing" was in your life that was getting to you, handle it with this verse:  

                  Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with                thanksgiving present your request to God.     Phil 4:6

He went on to say that God is not anxious about your biggest problem because he has already handled it, but he reminded us  to talk to God. He wants you to petition Him, He wants you to seek 

out His advice. He longs for involvement in your life.  I am renewing my mind on this verse and although this is a downer post I know and remember all of the amazingly good things that God has done and will continue to do but today at this moment I'm so sick of it! This made me think of spiritual forefathers and the things they believed in Faith.  So I will end on this verse and hope to have the courage to open next Month's email.

Romans 4:20 -21 Yet he (Abraham) did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

Jesus: Of course he gets it!

Well Dec 21,12 was officially one year of waiting. We have now been in the program about 18 months. Sometimes it seems like we are just hanging out there doing what God called us to do but doing it all alone. Most of the time I feel His presence especially when it comes to the adoption. The "Peace that passes understanding" is so real but truthfully sometimes I feel like He called and because He is God we did what He asked but that there is no way He knows what I'm going through.

Not sure if anyone else ever feels this way but as I was thinking about this the past week the Holy Spirit reminded me of just how much Jesus the Son and God the Father know exactly what I am going through. They too have been through the same emotions, in fact He created the emotions that I feel.

I think of the anticipation that I have to see my child. My mind wanders to what my children will do, how will they impact the world?  I can't wait to see them be used by God and it hit me that my heavenly Father anticipated the arrival of His child as well. He wouldn't wait to see His Son be used and change the world. He gets what I'm going through!

 It is rare but we have had some negative comments about the adoption, mostly I don't think people mean to say what they say but they do and while it does not make me doubt what we are doing, fear/anger can creep in. When I hear the worst case scenario's I begin to fear the unknown. Then it hits me that Jesus, while on earth, was slandered against and told He was crazy and even if people didn't mean it they doubted Him. He gets What I'm going through!

I think the one that hit me the most this week was the fact that He will be able to relate to my Child in a way I will never be able to. Jesus knows what it is like to be different. He was sent to a place that He was not from, in essence He was adopted! He gets what my kid will go through!

Obviously, Jesus is the Son of God and God is well God, so comparing them to my situations in life may seem like stretching but I think that when I was feeling out there and alone these past few weeks Jesus just spoke to me and said "Been there and done that" NOT in a condescending way but in a "let Me meet you where your at" kind of way. How sweet that is, how refreshing to my Spirit that the God of the universe gets what I am going through because He too has been through it. He will see this adoption through, He will see my every need through because that is who He is.

I hope this serves as an encouragement to you as we soon begin a New Year. It may seem like you are out there on your own but remember He knows what you are going through!

This past year was an amazing year regardless of the fact we did not get our referral. We are so thankful for Greyson, who started Preschool this year at Byron Center Christian. This has been awesome for our whole family. We celebrated my 28th birthday and Greyson's 4th birthday. Ron has been so busy at work but with good reason. The Cook family transitioned ownership from Ron's Uncle Brad to Ron. He is now an owner of the Funeral Home. They also purchased two new funeral homes in the Dorr and Wayland area. I continue to work 1 1/2 days a week and love it. We have seen God's faithfulness in our extended families and enjoy our friendships with our siblings. We love watching our nieces and nephews grow. Our cousin was married this summer and we all played a role in the wedding. Ron's Grandmother passed away just days ago and while we feel sorrow for his grandpa we rejoice she is whole again after years of battling Alzheimer's. We did add a puppy, Marge, to our family and since we are still in the potty training phase I cant say I'm super thankful for her yet but she is adorable and we do lover her. We are excited to see what God has in store for us in 2013!

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and May you have a happy,healthy New Year!!


Here's a few highlights of the past year:

Just an Update

Well it's a busy time of year with all the hustle and bustle of the holidays. We are so mindful of the Lord and his Son that was willing to come down to earth and be our savior. I love Christmas and enjoy shopping, wrapping and preparing etc. But I would be lying if I would say that while I am focused on the True meaning of Christmas...Jesus, the rest of the busyness seems just that this year, busyness! It has not seemed fun as it usually does.

I was hoping that being so busy would make the wait go by faster and before we know it "the call" could come. But it is just not happening, the wait is really getting to me, I'm just so sick of all of the adoption stuff! This Christmas season stands out in our minds especially this year because on Dec 21 we will have been waiting for one year. That is a long time, but it does make us happy because our agency tells us that the wait time for a referral is 12 - 15 months. That means we are nearing the end of our wait!!!

Since we have been waiting a year, we now have to begin updating our dossier. I had to file a petition to get our fingerprints redone, we have to have another home study update done and all our medical information needs to be updated. Just a bunch of busy work. But we will comply and get things in order as soon as possible so everything is set when the time comes.

Unfortunately, we received an email from our agency this week stating that after we receive the referral the wait time to travel to pick up our child has been extended again to 6-9 months. When we started the process 18 months ago the wait to travel was 4 weeks to 3 months. Then a few months ago they told us it was going to be 3 months. Not long after that they told us the wait time was 4-6 months and then of course this week it was extended again! Honestly, this took all the wind out of my sails! It's been a rough week, I've cried and been angry and just plain exhausted with the process. That being said there is nothing we can do except play the game and wait.

On a positive note, I have received medication for my estrogen loss and it has really helped, Greyson is doing well and we are getting a puppy next week (crazy, I know). Ron will soon be celebrating his 30th birthday. So while in one area of our lives, it seems time stands still, other areas move along and change. Above all else God remains faithful to minister His peace to us, His steadfast love is a comfort when we receive bad news. I'm so thankful He was obedient even unto death and came down to this broken world to seek and save the lost. He stays the same and never changes!

We thank all who pray for us and this journey we are on and ask for continued prayer for our family.

Thanks so much!

Finally a Resolve...getting back to myself

I can be a skeptic when it comes to spiritual attacks and I think that sometimes people give the devil WAY TOO much credit for their problems. I also think that sometimes we do not discern true spiritual attacks. Since deciding to be obedient to God and start this adoption journey, I have had one health problem after another come at me. All of it in direct connection to my reproductive system. I cannot let myself get pregnant right now, we signed paperwork and contracts that we would not try for another baby while adopting. I have been told by my OB-GYN that getting pregnant would be the best thing for my body right now, due to my endometriosis. I have had surgery and been very proactive in trying to get my body to work properly. I do not understand nor can explain why now, the time when we are adopting, everything in my body has gone haywire except to say that to me this seems like a spiritual attack. I can say that from what I have learned growing up is that when you are "under attack" from the devil it typically mean you are doing what God has called you to do. (although not always).

The last few weeks and truly if I'm honest with myself the last few months have been hard on my health and my psyche. I was put on a medication almost a year ago, to help with my endometriosis The medication was a shot and I received an injection every 3 months. It was a very strong med and there were numerous side effects.

The first few months were okay but then this past August, my world in a sense flipped upside down. It started soon after my birthday with extreme dizziness( to the point of me falling over) and terrible headaches. Long story short I went to the doctor, was prescribed some meds that didn't really help and was given what now looks like a wrong diagnosis. My blood tests came back normal and so I saw a chiropractor who really relieved some tension and the headaches got better.(I am still seeing the chiro and am now a true believer in them!)Unfortunately my other symptoms persisted, got weirder and I became convinced something serious was wrong. After another evaluation a CT and MRI were ordered.They were testing me for a possible tumor or more likely MS! All tests came back normal. To which I Praise the Lord and had a few good cries about. Thank you Jesus!!!

 I was sent to another specialist and had more blood work and today received really good news. My hormones are completely out of whack because of the medication I was put on almost a year ago. After going off that medication my body was suppose to return to normal but it did not and as a result my hormones are messed up. The Physician Assistant I saw today said my levels were very low especially for my age, in fact they were so low that the results came back at 0.01. This reading means that I have almost no estrogen or progesterone in my body. I'm thrilled to hear this because all of the crazy symptoms I have been having correlate to extreme estrogen loss. I am now on a plan to have replacement (all natural) therapy to get my body to a natural state.

The last few weeks while waiting for results have been tough, so many things run through your mind. I was so scared that this was going to be something really life changing. I know many people go through really bad things and it is hard if not impossible to let your imagination run wild. How blessed we are to have a heavenly Father that walks right along with us no matter the outcome of the tests, He is always there.

I guess I am writing this post mainly because I so HAPPY to be healthy and with a plan to get myself back on track but also as an encouragement to others who are doing as God called them and it's not going how they thought it would. I can say that during alot of this I have spent time in the Word, listening to sermons and praying. Edifying my Spirit! It doesn't stop your  mind but it does remind you to to get it under control. We do need to be aware of the spiritual realm and that there is a very present enemy who seeks to kill, steal and destroy but I will just end with this.

                                                                   Our God is Greater
                                                                   Our God is Stronger
                                                                   Our God is Higher than any other
                                                                   And if our God is for us, who can be against us

Confession

Pray :entreat;implore : to address God with with adoration,CONFESSION,supplication or thanksgiving

A few weeks ago in church  we talked about confession and were taught that it means : To say the Same Thing.  Now when I think of the word Confession I usually think of it in a negative way. Someone needs to confess their sins or someone confessed something they did. But that word can be used in the opposite manner as well. If we confess the Promises of Jesus, His Word  or His will, He is faithful to bring it about to completion(according to His timing). This is a very positive confession!

To say the same thing.... So we know without a doubt that God called us to adopt and that he has a very specific child in mind for us. We pray for her as a couple at least twice a week and she is on my mind all the time so I am praying for her throughout the day, everyday. We are doing what the scriptures tell us to and how they tell us to:

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let you request be made known to God.                                                                         Phil 4:6

The Lord is far from the wicked but he hears the prayers of the righteous.      Prov 15:29

... The effective prayer of the righteous man can accomplish much.                James 5:16

Heed the sound of my cry for help, my King and my God, For to You I pray. In the morning, O Lord You will hear my voice; In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch.   Ps 5:2-3


I bring this up because I am so blessed and truly speechless at the all the people who are praying "saying the same thing the word says" about our adoption. I am so thankful for those of you who are praying for our child and thinking about her. A few weeks ago I  had 3 separate people in one week tell me that our adoption/child had been on their heart and they wanted me to know they were thinking and praying for us. Then a week or two later a friend and I were talking and she said, well we are praying for you in regards to your adoption. This week someone who I do not know that well  wanted to let us know that we were on his thoughts and he was praying for us about the adoption. I know of people in other states who are praying for us. I know of  a couple in another country lifting us in their prayers. It is AMAZING!  God is so faithful!

I am so encouraged as we wait and hope that others find encouragement in the power of prayer as well. It is such an awesome tool that we have to communicate with our Loving Father!  I can't wait to show you all pictures of  our child  and see the prayers come to fruition!

Again thank you all so much for your faithful prayers for our family!

Good?Bad?...Change

We run into people all the time and the question everyone always asks is "How's the adoption going." It is so nice of people to ask and I appreciate their interest but basically the answer I give is...LONG!

We just got another update with some news that for some in the process is bad and for some it is good and for some it is indifferent. Thankfully for us, for now, it is indifferent. Let me explain.

The ministry of defense of Korea used to be the one to decide and send out travel visa's for orphans that were being adopted.  Korea has changed it's law and the court system now handles those proceedings. Sorta of scary when you think of how long court proceedings can take and how much work is involved. Since this is a new way of handling things our agency has told us to expect some delays.

Thankfully the people who have not yet received their referrals (info on a child, we fall into this category) will hopefully not see alot of changes except some added paperwork. Unfortunately anyone from our agency who did receive a referral after July 16 will not get to travel before January 2013. I can't imagine what those families are going through! Waiting that long to travel is so disappointing, to say the least. The reason for the delay is because with the new law passing and the courts running things the government has to figure out a system of how to operate. They do not/can not send out travel visa's until everything is put into place. Our agency tells us they hope to have a system up and running after the first of the year.

This really does not change our situation for the time being because we are not expected to get a referral until sometime between December - March. What we don't know is if after we get our referral the wait time to get our travel visa's will increase(Our agency is warning us that it most likely will).So for now all we can do it WAIT, which we are becoming experts at during this process.

So there is my true answer on how the process is going...Long with a chance of even longer. Still I try not to get too upset as I know this will not help anything. When our referral comes it comes and when we travel we travel. Thank you for your thoughtfulness in keeping our family in your thoughts and prayers.