Walking it out

I was at a shower a few weeks ago and the host had each person go around the room to explain how they knew the "mom to be" except this was a baby shower with a twist. This "mom to be" was waiting to get the call to travel to Korea to bring her daughter home, a daughter she has been waiting five years for. So for this reason the sharing portion of the shower was much more personal than most showers I have been to. Of the fifteen women present only two of us made it through our introductions without crying. Each introduction was more like sharing a short story and most of those short stories were inlayed with various versions of faith being strengthened or bonds tightened because of watching this women walk out her faith.

As I sat listening to each women talk, I felt the spirit of God whisper to me " This is what obedience does" and "This is what being willing to do what I ask of you looks like". Soon it was my turn to share and I was definitely one of the criers. I cried because I too had been in the same place the mom to be was currently in, the waiting, anticipation, excitement and fear. The past four years have changed me, my thinking and my faith.

The rest of the shower went great with presents, food, laughter and fellowship but I have not been able to get what the Lord spoke to me off my mind. I just keep marveling at how God uses my son's life and her daughter's life to touch others. I have been thinking about how different things could have looked if either of our families had given up the adoption process. If we had decided this grueling process was too much, how not fulfilling the call He placed on our lives could have changed others lives. You see, when we are obedient to God, it becomes a catalyst for Him to move. His plans will get accomplished in one way or another but if we are willing to be obedient  and step out in faith what else gets accomplished? I believe that other peoples lives can be transformed and changed, people we  don't even know. By saying yes to God we open the path for Him to use our life stories to influence others.

I know this to be true because all the women who shared at the shower said that watching this families adoption journey had in one way or another proven God's faithfulness to them or made Him more real in their lives. I have had similar stories shared with me during our journey of adoption as well. People who I have never meant have read my blog about trusting God through our adoption and on more than one occasion I have received letters from people expressing that what the Holy Spirit led me to share had helped them take a step of faith and act on what God was calling them to do. So in this particular journey that has caused tears, heartache, pain, joy, smiles and relief I have learned that the most important factor is obedience.

Being Obedient is hard, it means not getting our way and not always understanding the way He has chosen for us. It means trusting. But ultimately by doing what He has asks of us it means that we will be in His will and that is the safest and best place the be. When I am in His will I can hear His voice speaking to me which is so vitally important as I parent both my sons. I can be the mother He called me to be and help them navigate their lives by pointing them to Jesus and lets be honest, I could use all the help I can get. This parenting gig is hard but then to throw in adoption, bonding, racial issues and cultural differences on top of it....sheesh! I need to make sure my heart is at a place of obedience at all times so I can be ready for the hard questions, the fear, the anger that will no doubt come because as redemptive and beautiful as adoption is, it is painful. My sweet boy who has been through so much already in his young life will encounter more as he grows and he will be looking for truth, love and guidance.

As we close out this month of Adoption Awareness, I encourage you to be listening to what He has called you to, if you choose to obey, it will change your life!

I realized that because we were never able to post anything online before getting Charlie home, I never posted pictures of our first meeting him.  Here are some pictures of our first meeting. This is what walking out obedience can look like:


                                                     Finally got him to come sit by me

                                                           He let Ron hold him too

 This was the at the adoption agency on our second visit. He was looking at pictures of Greyson on my phone.

This is right before we had to say goodbye and did not know yet when we would be back to get him but God was so faithful in that situation as well.

Oh be careful little tongue what you say

Do you ever say something and as soon as the words are out you wish you could just grab them and stuff them back inside? I have that sometimes, typically its not because I am trying to be mean but usually because I just didn't think. I know the words I said might leave a bad taste in someone else's mouth and I feel bad about it. Although sometimes, I may not even know I said something that could be offensive.

In today's society you can't get far in a conversation without eventually offending someone or their beliefs, their "rights". And some of it is so out of control, you can't even think differently than others without being called a hater  but that's not the type of "talk" I am referring to.  The kind I am thinking of is the naive or ignorant  phrases people utter who typically mean no harm but end up causing some type of harm.

I like to think that I don't get offended too easily by people who ask questions about our adoption or Charlie. I know that most people who are asking are doing so because they care. I don't mind questions because I hope it opens a conversation up about adoption and possibly even Jesus. But I must admit I have had this question posed three times and each time it makes me wince a little.  I am thankful that Charlie is little and doesn't understand yet. The question goes like this:

"Where did you get him at"

Okay, now I know that when people see our family together obviously he is the only Asian in the bunch so it is a logical question but when its just Charlie and I, it amazes me that people don't stop to think that maybe my spouse is Asian or that I am watching someone else's child for the day. I guess people don't think about it though and they want to know. The reason I wince at the question is because it makes it sound like we went down to Walmart and picked him up on aisle 3. It's a loaded question one that can bring up the past  with its hurts, obstacles, pains and joys. Typically it's followed with "do you know anything about his family"

I have kept calm all three times and answered that "Well, he was born in Korea" at which time two of the three people that asked caught on and one even apologized and said "I'm sorry I don't know the correct terminology or adoption lingo"  I have gotten better at saying that while we do have some information on his family, that part of Charlie's life is his. If someday he wants to share any details he may but we will let him decide that. Children who are adopted go through things that people who weren't adopted will never understand.  Their life existed before they came to their forever family  and that part will always play a role in shaping them, its part of them, part of their life story but it is not the only thing that defines them. Being adopted is only one part of what makes Charlie who he is and who he will be but when people only ask about things regarding him being adopted it can be frustrating. I want to tell them, he loves music and the bath. He is happiest outside, he is stubborn and smart. I do not want how he came to us to be the only thing people focus on. I also want to tell them about Greyson because usually he is standing right there and not a lot of people ask about him. Our words have such power to hurt and heal, bring love or hate, cast judgment or understanding that we must be careful with them because these little people, who are listening to what we are saying, will grow up to be big people and what we've said about them gives definition to who/what they will come to believe about themselves and I want it to be good.

The truth about Charlie is that first and foremost he is a Child of God. If he becomes nothing else in life that would be enough, to be loved by God.  But it's not the only thing that the Word tells us about who are, here are some examples of what Jesus says we are:

Redeemed, Righteous, Holy, Complete, A New Creature, Healed, Chosen....Adopted
just to name a few.

November is National Adoption month or I have also heard it called Orphan Awareness, a lot of churches have a service dedicated to the cause and to bring about understanding. So I hope this post brings some awareness into how you speak and what you say. I write with myself in mind, I talk a lot and have no doubt hurt people along the way by my words and truthfully I am sure I will do it again but my prayer is that the words that I say will promote love especially to other people because you never know how what you say may affect someone. I want to have words of life that point others especially my boys to Jesus.